So. I have been in Munich for just about 2 weeks now, and I feel like a whimp to admit that I am getting some pretty unsettling culture shock. Ofcourse it did not help my shock that during my birthday I was sick at home with a fever of 102. I was lying in bed for about 3 days before life started to get better healthwise, but by then my emotional morale was at an all time low and I would randomly break out in tears. This year I celebrated what was probably my worst b-day ever. no friends or family around except Oliver. not to give him no credit but the only thing that kept me from hurling myself over a bridge on my birthday was Oliver.... he surprised me with tulips and a very nice breakfast with meticulously soft-boiled eggs and a single candle with an optional birthday song. It was a very sweet gesture... and what did I do? I said a small thank you and then imediately burst into tears of sadness and depression.
Life has been emotionally hard here. this whole moving thing has been emotionally draining and physically exhausting. Having a 2 month vacation beforehand was really nice but has also left us a bit exhausted and just when one is done with a trip and excited to GO home we realized... oh wait. we don´t have a home. Which leads to exhausting bit no. 2: the endless search for housing.
Before I even got to Munich all I mainly head about the place was that it was expensive, beautiful and a bitch to find a house in. Some people search for months before they can find a decent place, one which has more space than a large broom closet, and one that won´t cost you an arm and a leg. for a whole week we´ve wander through the cold cold city going from one apartment appointment to another. I have never walked so much in such a short amount of time in my life, and while my clogs are good for a decent walk they are mainly good for long hours of standing. So here I am walking around in half decent shoes with no isulation from the cold and boy do my feet feel the hurt at the end of the day. Oh the bright side things are sunny during the day, but when the sun goes does holy shit is it colder than cold.
So the combination of walking around in the cold and the fear and stress of the unknown as to where will we live has compressed my morale and my health into such a frantic state of mild cultureshock. I guess it´s not just cultureshock:
of being in a new place,
not knowing how to speak the language,
having and hour long commute from Oliver´s Aunt´s house to the city,
not having any friends yet,
not having a place to live,
not knowing where I can get an artist studio space, or how the system works here
...but I guess it´s also the compounded realization of, Holy fucking shit! I just left everything I knew behind to move to a foreign place where I will be ...forever...well as long as I want to be with this awesome man.... sigh...
I think that is just as scary alone as it is with all the above.
and when I say I´ve left everything behind. I don´t just mean Seattle, but Thailand as well... but mostly Seattle and the luxurious and convenientlt awesome culture I have (had) there. sniff sniff.... it only makes it worse that I think about all the things I miss right? I should really be looking around and thinking... holy hell, I am in Munich! what a lovely city with giant churches and magnificent architechture and old world culture... how lovely.
sadly instead when I look around me at all the beauty there is all I want to do is day dream of eating sushi on Capitol hill among the slummy-looking buildings pitched beneath a gray insipid sky. when I look at the intricacies of this charming new city all I long for is the industrial parking lots of georgetown where I eat my packed lunches on my work break at my familiar studio. ....gosh I miss all those things familiar... expecially my studio bench. I can´t seem to think ahead right now.... especially since not having a place to live inhibits you from planning ahead... all I can do is miss home and ponder if what I have done will indeed be the good thing....the right thing for me later in life... :(
all I see is a possible career as a developing artist and designer I could of had in seattle and the possible communal houses I could´ve shared.... and I need to stop these thoughts since its not going to get me anywhere here....
...alright that is enough to ramble about... more happier new later...
-mel
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