Please note that as I type these words we are on a cruise floating through the towering Limestone islands of Halong Bay in Northern Vietnam. I had always wanted to come to this Unesco world Heritage site since I had seen pictures 4 years ago, and I find myself a little surprised that now that I’m here staring at these salt, rocky sentinals floating in misty beauty that I long for choosing curtains and new fluffy pillows.
Perhaps we’ve been on the road too long? No! that’s ridiculous! I use to love the idea of traveling for months at a time, being a nomad, wandering throughout the world with no address… this idea was not only challenging and exciting, but freeing as well. However on this trip I find myself being content at more creature comforts (Koh Tao with nothing to do but beach, BBQ and volleyball watching) than exciting and uncomfortable places (the mosquito-filled $12 a night homestay in Ubud). I have noticed though that when my excitement for life has peaked it has been at times when freedom tugs at us and we do not know what to expect around the corner (our protest at guided tours and how we left our things and took off on a pink motorbike around Bali winding down long pot-hole filled roads through hidden cloud forests and caldera vistas.)
As Oliver and I walked through the massive expanse of a giant saltwater soaked limestone cave yesterday we talked about this. “You know Olli. I’ve seen a lot of caves in my life…”
“What are you saying, Mel? That this cave isn’t a good cave on your quality level of caves?” he chuckles at me.
“No, its not that… what I mean is, I’ve seen a lot of caves, and this cave is pretty spectacular. The main cabin is as large as one of the main caverns in Carlsbad. However, I don’t feel excited at being here.”
How awful really, I thought to myself. We are traveling through such amazing places and for some concerning reason I don’t seem to be filled with that bottomless well of wonderment any longer. As we talked, I also brought up that maybe I was traveling with someone who has less excited at these sites around us and maybe that possibly influenced me …
(Oliver, while enjoying this trip is basically fine in whatever we do. He is Mr. Neutral. From the outside this can look like apathy or boredom since the kind of perfect holiday Oliver likes is where he is being challenged somehow, being challenged physically is preferable. So when we have to sit for long hours on boats trains or planes to see/do anything it can be taxing on the poor guy since he’d rather park his butt on a beach in one place for 2 weeks and do nothing but wind-surf, swim and snorkel. He’s a darling to let me drag him around to all these historical foodie-based places in the first place! I particularly happy most of the time that he has no strong opinion and is happy with my planning since it means there are no arguments usually about what sites to see.)
…I disregard that Oliver’s disposition is influencing my lack of excitement since I am grateful for his company and moderate levels of interest. Besides, I don’t think an introverted calm travel partner could really get in the way of my Hypomanic excitement at new things, or funny things. Hell! I’m always still talking a mile a min. and pointing out all the craziness around me, “Oh wow, look fishes on a motorcycle! And look a motorcycle carrying a giant orange tree. Oh hey, piggies! Yummy pho stands…. oooooooOOOOO I want a Viet Sandwich! I can’t wait! Oh Boy oh Boy oh Boy!!!! ….yes THAT is what I sounds like when I’m going from the Hanoi airport to the hotel. I sounds like some crazy girl with an altered case of Turrets Syndrome. I’m glad he thinks I’m cute and not crazy.
Post Turrets tangent what I’m trying to say is that I think that not only is this move to Germany and this adventure with this crazy Scientist man a new chapter in my life, but I think it ends the period where I feel that running around the world is my top romantic priority. I use to feel that there was nothing better than the excitement of hitchhiking on the open road, and telling people I had no home when they asked where I was from. Now all I seem to want is home, and its kinda startling. If my 20 yr old self could see me if wouldn’t believe it. I guess I could of seen it coming when my Thai cousin asked me 2 year ago, “Mel, you’ve been to so many places, where do you want to travel next?”
“I want to find home.” I replied. “…and maybe see Jeruselum before I die.”
Yup. Home and maybe Jeruselum. That’s a pretty modest serving of life for someone who has only demanded tall orders most of her life.
I guess I call this train of thought “The Traveller’s Final Ephiphany” since once you realize this deep longing for home, you are no longer interested in “traveling” ….only “visiting” since visiting a place implies you have somewhere else you would be.
The ships steward has now told me it’s time for our last lunch. I wave goodbye to the shadowy giants of Halong Bay and continue to dream of curtain colors.
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