Santa Fe, NM- Aug. 2007: (my painful and conflicting thoughts on leaving the magic here.)
Current mood: nostalgic
Category: Life
I am feeling that my heart will break. I do not want to leave Santa Fe. Every sunrise and sunset I will miss, and promise to kiss the last 14 that I will see in the magical and wondrous place that I have lived in for 363 days it will be.
People beg me not to leave... artists...cyclists....boxers...editors...business men...bookkeeper...collectors...writers....curators...waitresses...all good good friends.
It seems that this community has opened it's arms to me with much love (and...sure... come drama... okay...mucho drama) and I love this community just that same. Everyday I bike down the road I see at least half a dozen people I know, and most of those who I adore to spend time with. I will miss my critical masses...I will miss my Thursday night salsa dances and my tango classes...I will miss boxing class, lifting weights and self defense... I will miss volunteering at the CCA and photo and wine auctions... I will miss BBQ with Lynn and sunsets on Kristin's roof deck with a glass for chardonnay... I will miss the endless stars that hover above the japanese bath house, and I will miss the beating sun shining on me as I jump off of red rock cliffs into Lake Abiquiu. There will be no more drinks with Pascal... no more goth clubs with Liz... no more movies with Merin... I will miss all those people... I will miss the studio and working until 3-4 am ...I will miss feeling the insides of my soul as I fall back in love with myself over and over again with the help of my metal friends and my saw in hand....I will miss cooking with the club, and the fun times of eating out at my favorite noodle bar... Mu-Du. But most of all.... I will miss my mentor, Kristin...
This is that land that Georgia O'Keffe lived in and never left. She stayed at Ghost Ranch, and died in Santa Fe. I now understand why... this place is magical and if it wants you to stay it will suck you in and hold you tight... in all of it's drama... in all of it's solace... in all of it's quiet and baffling beauty.
Northern New Mexico...how my heart feels like it will being scraped with a rusty file I miss you so. I do not want to leave your endless hugs from kissing sunshine to biting snow to windy spring time and tasty autumn. You are, and will forever be a part of my heart, but I cannot stay since the train of Mellington Cartwright does not stop here.... as much as a part of me would like for it to stop upon one of your still mesas where I could meditate out one hundred miles in every direction.
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-Mellington Cartwright III
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